gwen learns

grief and jack lalanne.

Posted in Uncategorized by gwenlearns on April 19, 2011

So I’ve taken about a 10 month break from exercise.  I’m not sure I’ve figured out why I’ve chosen this, but I think it has something to do with an undercurrent of sadness.  It’s a kind of prolonged sadness that I didn’t want to just “get over” or dismiss… I honestly just wanted to sit there for a while.

In this last year, I’ve gotten used to saying goodbye.  I don’t want to get into all the things and people I’ve said goodbye to, but I do want to recognize the grief that follows the goodbye.   When we think of grief, we always seem to tie it exclusively to death.  But say goodbye to anything and you will feel grief on some level.  And it’s those smaller griefs that don’t get dealt with, that stay just under the surface and become a mild, but chronic gloom.

I don’t know if I’ve sat with it long enough, but I’m starting to feel the first signs of wanting to move forward.  My roommate went on a run this afternoon and that actually sounded like something I would enjoy doing in the near future.

Which brings me to Jack LaLanne.  A year or two ago, I read this book he wrote about health and longevity, and it had some unusual tips on motivation.  The one that I have found to be most motivating (and the strangest to share) is that he suggests you spend some time looking at yourself in the mirror without any clothes on (he does make a disclaimer about those who struggle with anorexia, but for the rest of us it’s a perfectly healthy thing to do).  So today I set the timer for 10 minutes and did just that.

And… well… it puts the truth right in front of you.  It is kind of amazing to me that the first step in both physical and spiritual transformation seems to be fessing up to the problem… calling it what it is…. seeing it the way God sees it.  Yes, it may stir up guilt, regret, sadness, but ultimately I think it’s about exposing yourself to the truth.  And it’s powerful.

At least powerful enough to bring me here.  Actually prepared to walk in the gym… and the chances of me actually going through with it this time are pretty high.   I’m not making any promises, but I think it’s a go this time.  Say a little prayer for me.

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